Consecrated to God
by Calculated Artificiality
Summary: Post-Mark's death. After Mark's death Elizabeth's relationship with God is faltering; In fact, it is virtually non-existent.
1. Tears of God

The title for this story is derivative of the meaning of the name 'Elizabeth' which means (ironically enough) "Consecrated to God."  
  
This is perhaps a bit out of character, but it is post-mark, very soon after his death.  
  
I've realized before that I've never said I don't own ER, but, I don't. And I think you all know that. If I did, Romano would still be alive. Nor, am I making any money from this, unless you count, of course, the hours it's gotten me through while at work.  
  
Anyway, here it is: "Consecrated to God"  
  
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The sound of crying woke Elizabeth Corday from a dreamless sleep. She scrambled out of bed and ran into Ella's Room. She saw the beautiful baby girl with tears in her eyes, and Elizabeth picked her up. After gathering the child into her arms Elizabeth placed her lips next to Ella's ear and tried to comfort her "shhhhhh" she said while lightly bouncing the baby on her hip. And Ella was silent, that always did the trick.  
  
The babysitter arrived soon after Elizabeth finished feeding Ella breakfast. She proceeded to get ready for work. She stood in the bathroom, fixing her hair, and after she had it right, she walked into the bedroom, opened her jewelry box and slipped her ring on her left finger.  
  
It was her first day back since Mark's death. She though she was ready although she knew she didn't have the proper time to grieve.  
  
In actuality though, she had nothing to do.  
  
Nothing to do but sit around and think about Mark. She thought that perhaps it was too soon, but soon she decided that going back to work was a good idea.  
  
So, that's what she did.  
  
As she walked through the doors at county general, Elizabeth swore that all eyes were on her, though much of it was just her imagination.  
  
People did, however, regard her with looks of sorrow and small sympathetic smiles. She, of course, returned them despite the fact that it bothered her.  
  
She made her way up to the surgical floor and checked her schedule. She didn't have much to do, but at least she would be doing something... anything to get her mind off of losing Mark.  
  
Elizabeth went into the OR for her first surgery. It was a five year old girl with an abnormality in her stomach that needed to be taken care of. She scrubbed in with Dr. Romano, who also cast her gazes of sympathy; however, his look didn't irk her as much as those delivered by the others.  
  
"Hi Lizzie."  
  
"Hello Robert."  
  
She expected him to ask how she was doing or something akin to that, however she believed that he sensed the fact that she didn't want to talk about it. Had he asked though, she would have said 'fine' despite the fact that in reality, 'fine' was nowhere near describing her current state. No, she was much worse than 'fine' would allot... much worse.  
  
"So, you ready to do this?" He questioned.  
  
"Yep." She replied  
  
"all right, let's go."  
  
The two surgeons entered the OR prepped for a routine surgery.  
  
What they got was a harrowing experience.  
  
Something in the surgery went dreadfully wrong; fatally wrong.  
  
Now, a five year old girl was dead, and Elizabeth couldn't help but feel responsible. Romano assured her that it couldn't have been helped, that she was in no way responsible. Elizabeth knew, of course, inside, that he was right. The death couldn't have been prevented, but that still didn't abate the blame she placed on herself.  
  
She walked out of the OR with tears in her eyes. She didn't expect her first day back to be like this. She felt absolutely miserable.  
  
As she stood there feeling utterly awful, and trying to will the feeling to subside, her pager went off. 'Duty Calls' she said to herself as she wiped her wyes with the back of her hand and went downstairs to the ER.  
  
"I was paged for a consult" she said to Jerry who pointed her towards Trauma 1.  
  
When she entered the room no one was there. She sighed as she saw the little boy and went to pick up the medical chart. As she began reading it, the patient started crashing. She quickly yelled outside for someone to come in and help. Abby came running in as Elizabeth got the paddles ready.  
  
"Patient's in v-tech" she stated "Charge to 100"  
  
Abby adjusted the machine.  
  
"Clear!"  
  
The shock jolted his tiny body, but there was no change.  
  
"Charge to 200" Abby did. "Clear!"  
  
Again, no change.  
  
"Charge to 250! Clear!"  
  
But there was still no change in the boy's heart rate, it wasn't beating.  
  
"Charge to 300" Corday ordered as Carter rushed in "Clear!"  
  
"Again! Clear!"  
  
But there was no difference.  
  
"Charge to 350! Clear!"  
  
Nothing.  
  
The minutes seemed like seconds as she tried desperately to save the little boy.  
  
"Again!"  
  
Not a thing.  
  
"Again!" Corday shouted.  
  
Abby hesitated. "How long has he been down?" Carter asked.  
  
"30 minutes" Abby stated grimly.  
  
"Dr. Corday..." Carter started.  
  
"Again!! Clear!"  
  
As the shock reverberated through the boy's body and throughout the room, there was no change in his heart rate.  
  
"Again" Corday said.  
  
"Dr. Corday" Carter said more firmly "That's enough" he had never seen her like this before.  
  
She bowed her head in defeat.  
  
"Time of death: 9:57 pm" Carter called it.  
  
Elizabeth felt horrible. She couldn't believe it. Two patients in one day. And Elizabeth was angry at Carter, they shouldn't have stopped.  
  
"We could have SAVED him" she shouted.  
  
"No. We couldn't have." He said.  
  
"Because you stopped trying!"  
  
"No." Carter shook his head "It was over."  
  
Elizabeth was fed up. She angrily walked out of the trauma room, slamming the door open. She ran outside into the ambulance bay as the tears began to stream down her face. She had had enough, and this... pain was just too much to bear.  
  
"Are you happy now?!" Elizabeth shouted to the heavens. "Are you bloody happy now?!" Her anger rising, she felt completely hopeless. "I can't save anyone! Not a five year old little girl, not an eleven year old boy, not even my own bloody husband!" She spat out "Why are you so bent on TORTURING me?! Consecrated to God? CONSECRATED TO GOD???! If I'm so bloody consecrated to you God, then why do you insist on taking everything away from me?!" She was near hysterics now, and people were staring, but she didn't care, she had needed to say this for a very long time "Do you hear me??!! Why him? Why Mark?? Why not me... or... someone else? Anyone but HIM!" She sobbed "IF you're so bloody miraculous, oh mighty God... Bring him back!" She got quieter as she lowered her head, feeling powerless "God, please just bring him back." She sat down on the curb and cried uncontrollably. God didn't speak back. "Well, GOD, you can just go to HELL!!! Do you hear me?!! You can just go to hell... because that's where I am... that's where YOU PUT ME!"  
  
Her body was wracked with sobs as she sat there on the cold streets of Chicago, as the tears rolled down her face there was a crackle in the sky, and a flash of light lit up the ambulance bay.  
  
And as a heartbroken woman, a child of God, sat trying to ease the pain with salty tears, and abate the anger and grief that was continually mangling her heart, the heavens broke apart and heavy rain began to pour down in the city of Chicago.  
  
God was crying too.  
  
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"Heaven knows we must never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts" – Charles Dickens.  
  
~Natalie~ 


	2. The Righteous

Well, I wasn't exactly planning on continuing this story, but I decided to rise to the challenge (and it's a hard one) while listening to DC Talk.  
  
Review ppllleeassee....  
  
By the way, I wanted to put this at the beginning: I'm not sure if I shall continue or leave this story to end here. I feel that I have somewhere to go after this chapter, but I'm just not sure if I'll continue... any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!  
  
~Natalie~  
  
"Consecrated to God" (Chapter 2)  
  
The rain poured down heavily, almost as if appearing from nowhere. A child of God sat shattered on the cold concrete of a harsh world. There were times when many people had been led astray by mortal wounds.  
  
She sat with a tattered soul, broken heart, and mangled dreams as tears rolled down her face, now masked with unrelenting force of unforeseen rain.  
  
"Go to Hell, GOD." She spat under her breath. "Go to Hell."  
  
Elizabeth: Consecrated to God. That was the meaning of her name. But the damaged woman sitting on the curb of a Chicago street didn't feel sacred to God. She felt unwanted, and betrayed.  
  
"Why hast thou forsaken me?" She recalled the words said to have been spoken with an indignant nature. "He forsakes us all" She thought as she bowed her head down. "Every last one of us."  
  
She had never felt so full of despair. She had always been one to believe in the Lord, but now, she was questioning his very existence. Tales of miracles, immaculate conceptions, everything in the damn book... or "Good Book"... and God couldn't spare a few minutes to save the love of her life.  
  
What kind of merciful God was that?  
  
She sat there crying on the curb, knowing that many people had heard her tirade, but, none of God's passionate followers (assuming there were any) cared enough to try and help. They had stared in awe, whispered to one another, then gone inside to take shelter from the rain.  
  
"Where are the righteous ones God?" She asked under her breath. "Oh, that's right; you took the last damn one off of the planet."  
  
This is what irked her so. There were many "sunshine Christians" as her mother had called him, but whenever their 'brethren' were in distress, they retreated into their shell.  
  
It's all a bunch of bull shit. A bunch of Holy Shit. She thought, as she tried to wipe the tears away from her eyes.  
  
"Excuse me, miss?" she heard a voice say.  
  
She turned around to see a man standing soaked in the rain. "Yeah?" She asked, expecting him to ask her for a light, or a cigarette. "Look, I don't have a light, I don't have a cigarette, I don't have any drugs." She said as she shook her head and stared down at the ground.  
  
"Well, I'm glad to hear that, but that's not why I came over."  
  
"I'm not a prostitute either." She spat.  
  
"Uh, well, that's also good to know, but nor is that the reason I decided to come over."  
  
She looked at him incredulously "Then why, may I ask, did you come over?" she asked. "On second thought, I don't really care. Go away."  
  
"I can't do that miss."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I said I can't do that."  
  
"No, I heard what you said. Maybe I didn't make myself clear. Go. Away."  
  
"And with all due respect miss, No." He sat down next to her.  
  
She sighed. Unbelievable. Whatever, she wasn't going to talk to him.  
  
He didn't say anything.  
  
Neither did she.  
  
The silence was uncomfortable for her, but for him, it was fine.  
  
"Well..." she prompted, "Are you going to say anything."  
  
"Nope." He said.  
  
She looked at him disbelievingly.  
  
Seeing her look he elaborated "It just seems like you could use some company."  
  
"Well, SIR, with all due respect, I don't." She said as she started to walk away.  
  
His words stopped her "Elizabeth, you do need some company."  
  
She stared at him "How do you know my name?"  
  
He chuckled "It's on your lab coat." She started to walk away. "Elizabeth, don't walk away."  
  
She became angry again.  
  
"And why should I not walk away? I don't even KNOW you."  
  
"Nor do I know you. But, I know what you're feeling."  
  
"Beg pardon?"  
  
"I heard you a few minutes ago."  
  
She rolled her eyes "Oh, so then that makes you a reverend trying to restore the faith of a lost believer? Well, reverend, it's no use."  
  
"No," he said "I'm not a reverend."  
  
She looked at him quizzically.  
  
"I'm just a guy who's been there before."  
  
"And the LORD helped you find your way. Amen" she said bitterly.  
  
"Yes and no. Look Elizabeth, I've been there before, we've all been there before."  
  
"And it's blind faith that has to lead us... blah blah blah, I've heard it all before."  
  
"No, it's not blind faith. There's no such thing as blind faith. You know in your heart Elizabeth. YOU KNOW. Whatever you've been through, whatever's happened... happened for a reason."  
  
The tears returned to her eyes. She was still angry "The hell it did." She stepped closer to him "Tell me, oh disciple of Christ, why did my husband have to die?? There is no logic in that. Why is my little girl going to grow up without a father? Where's the reason in that? I'll tell you where: It isn't. There is no reason or logic in that. IF there is a God, perhaps he's having a little game with me, huh? There is no bloody reason why I am a widow, why my little baby will never know her father. Perhaps it's all some cruel joke, huh?"  
  
The man wasn't fazed "Did your husband believe in God?"  
  
She was taken aback, that wasn't what she'd been expecting. She answered quietly "Yes."  
  
"Look Elizabeth, I know how you feel, believe me, I've been there before. I've seen the dark side, I've questioned my faith, I've been angry with the Lord... but Elizabeth..." he said passionately "The Lord is my Shepherd. And he's yours too."  
  
She rolled her eyes "Look, I've heard it all before. And you know what? I'm tired of God playing his little games with me, understand?"  
  
"Yes, I do. I understand so much what you're feeling. But, even though you've turned away from him... he's still reaching out his hand."  
  
Elizabeth smiled ruefully, "No, he's not. He pulled his hand away when I begged him to save my husband. He pulled his hand away when I begged him to let my little daughter know her father..."  
  
"No Elizabeth. He's reached out to you during those times..."  
  
She cut him off "Look, you still haven't told me WHY this happened! And maybe that's because that's the one question you Christians always shy away from! Because it's the one question you can't answer."  
  
"You're a Christian too; you're a child of Christ. And I can answer your question."  
  
"Well, sir, if I am a Child of Christ, it is not because I choose to be one. And if you can answer my bloody question, then answer it."  
  
"You wouldn't like the answer."  
  
"That's because there is none."  
  
He looked deep in her eyes, knowingly, guiding her almost, trying to reach the depths of her soul "Because it was meant to Elizabeth."  
  
She looked down, remembering something Mark had said to her previous to his death. He said that whatever happened was meant to be. She didn't believe it at the time... and she didn't want to believe it now...  
  
But there was something inside of her that told her it was true. But she didn't want to recognize it.  
  
The man suddenly embraced her in a hug, and although Elizabeth wanted to retreat, she couldn't. Something in her heart and in her soul wouldn't let her.  
  
The man then released her and looked into her eyes "There is a reason, Elizabeth. And no matter when you decide to come back to the Lord, he will be waiting for you."  
  
She couldn't say anything as the man disappeared around the corner. She stomped her foot on the ground as hard as she could. She didn't believe what the stranger had said. Well, she believed it, but she didn't want to.  
  
She wanted nothing more than to be livid with God, with the "Omega" for all he had taken away from her. She wanted to hate him, she wanted to make him hurt like he made her hurt.  
  
And her resolve was strong, it was not broken.  
  
She leaned against the wall of a building, soaked to the core with rain and whispered again "Damn you."  
  
She slid down the wall again as another moment of fleeting pain and ache came over her body, and she was once again wracked with sobs.  
  
The words of the stranger played in her mind over and over again "There is a reason." But she was too angry and too grief-stricken to believe him, there wasn't a reason. There wasn't any logic, there wasn't any rhyme, there wasn't any reason....  
  
And as far as she was concerned... there was no God.  
  
The rain continued to pour down on the city as lights flickered on and off. Thunder sounded and lightning flashed as the world of one woman came tumbling down.  
  
And God wept.  
  
God wept of pain, of hurt, of anguish, for he felt every sensation as his child did.  
  
And on a lonely night in the city of Chicago, a lonely broken woman retreated from an outstretched hand...  
  
Elizabeth Corday walked solemnly into the ER...  
  
...Soaked with God's Tears.  
  
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"(For the Lord thy God is a merciful God;) He will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them." Deuteronomy 4:31  
  
~Natalie~ 


	3. Reflecting on a Childhood of Faith

All right, this chapter is extremely short, but I wanted to get this out there before I continue (I now know where I'm going with this story.)  
  
Information: I (obviously) created material facts as to Elizabeth's religious upbringings, but please, bear with me, and assume that this is all true. : )  
  
And review if you so choose... but know that it would make me so extremely zealous!  
  
~Natalie~  
  
*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*  
  
Consecrated to God (Chapter 3) --  
  
Elizabeth worked the rest of her shift as though she were in a haze. She couldn't get the earlier occurrence with the stranger out of her head. She was so angry with the world, so angry at God, and this complete stranger had offered her comfort. She didn't know why, but in a way, it touched her. It didn't ease her pain or magically make everything better, but it HAD touched her.  
  
She left the hospital and headed for home, all the way thinking about what had happened that day. She opened the door and threw her keys on the table. With a sigh she opened the refrigerator and pulled out some milk. As she poured herself a glass her mind started to wander, and she sat down on the table and began to reflect:  
  
Elizabeth remembered when she was a little girl; her parents were strong Christians so of course Elizabeth was as well. She hadn't questioned the faith they taught her, she didn't even begin to think about the many faults it may have had. But as she got older, she began to rebel against that which had been imparted upon her. Her mind began to question every aspect of the religion her parents so devoutly followed.  
  
Her rebellion angered her parents immensely, and the more they pushed her to simply have what they called "blind faith", the more forcefully she turned away from it.  
  
When she was a teenager, she still continued to rebel against what she had always been taught to accept without any questions. But her insatiable mind asked a million questions, and her brain was constantly filled with the 'whys' and the 'hows'. She argued vehemently that there was no God. But she didn't argue this out of pain, or anguish, she argued it simply because she could.  
  
But as she got older, and as she went off to college, Elizabeth came to realize that something was missing in her life. There was a seemingly empty void in her heart, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't seem to fill it.  
  
Until she tried Jesus. She accepted him, once again, and she immediately felt as though she had finally become whole once again. She began going to church and found much needed solace in her renewed relationship with the Lord.  
  
As the years went on, Elizabeth came to have an extremely strong relationship with God. She knew he had blessed her countless times throughout her life. When she went to med school, when she became a surgeon, and when she had come to America, she knew that God had blessed her immensely. She had so many opportunities, and she couldn't help but attribute these wonderful blessings to God.  
  
And when she'd found Mark Elizabeth realized that God was completely and utterly amazing. He had given her the most complete life she had ever imagined. She had the career she'd always wanted and had spent many years dreaming about, and he had given her the most amazing husband she could have ever asked for. She'd never been so in love, and every day she thanked God for giving her someone like Mark.  
  
And then, in an instant her world was turned upside down. The most important person in her life, the reason she lived, had been taken away from her.  
  
It was at that moment that Elizabeth Corday had begun to understand that there was no God. No, she had realized that there WAS a God, and he was mean and cruel. She knew with Mark's death that the "Gospel" was an absolute load of crap.  
  
He was not merciful, He was not kind, and He was not forgiving. This God that everyone had so praised, He was evil. He, Elizabeth decided, cared nothing for the people he created and called his own.  
  
He, Elizabeth had determined, had taken Mark to spite her, to spite everything she believed she had possessed. He had taken Mark to hurt her. And, the most disturbing thing of it all: It had worked. It had hurt her. She was miserable. Just like He wanted.  
  
She had only every allowed two men to affect her: Mark and God.  
  
The first of the two was a compassionate man full of love, life and vitality. He was kind, sweet, giving, and one of the greatest beings she had ever come to know. She loved him.  
  
The second of the two could be described in two short words: Completely wretched. She hated him.  
  
Recognizing the venom in her thoughts, Elizabeth quickly shook off her reverie and took a sip of the now warm milk.  
  
It had been a long time since she had thought about her childhood and her once strong bond with God.  
  
She decided after her lengthy reminiscing, that it was time to go to bed. She trudged to her bedroom, her mind deep with thought. She got ready for bed in the same sloth-like fashion, and climbed tiredly into bed.  
  
As she lay there, she felt a familiar emptiness creeping into her heart, mirroring the void she had felt once long ago in the same place. But she didn't acknowledge the emptiness; instead she stuffed the void with anger, hate, and pain, as she drifted off into a restless street.  
  
Outside, the city of Chicago was raging as a storm ravaged the land. For a child of God had turned away from the light...  
  
And heaven was filled with sorrow. **~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~  
  
"For my name's sake will I defer mine anger, and for my praise will I refrain for thee, that I cut thee not off." Isaiah 48:9 


	4. Meeting A Victim Who's Unafraid

I don't own ER.  
  
This may be a little far-fetched for your imagination, but I assure you, it does happen.  
  
Review please... : )  
  
~Natalie~  
  
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The days went on, and on and on, as they always had. The human world didn't stop turning for one child turned away from Christ. There was no heavenly angel sent to help this fallen child stand up, there was no revelation sent down. But the heavens remained sorrowful, as the tears of God spread across the land of Chicago.  
  
Elizabeth woke up again to the rain pelting down outside. It hadn't stopped for days, some questioned if it ever would. She hated the rain. It made her feel empty inside, sad almost.  
  
She did what she'd done every morning, she thought about Mark as she tried to make herself look presentable, and then she went off to work.  
  
As she walked through the halls of county general, she saw the same doctors trying to save lives, and the same med students eager to learn how. She remembered a time when she had been so zealous; she recalled the fervor she had for medicine. That was before she realized she couldn't save anyone. And neither could they.  
  
She scoffed. They believed they were heroes, as she once had, believing they held lives in their hands. They didn't. That bastard of a God was going to take who he wanted whenever he wanted, and they couldn't do a damn thing to stop it. She had stopped kidding herself since Mark's death. She couldn't even save the one person she loved.  
  
But she laughed at the irony. What was she to do? Quit medicine? As though there were something else she could possibly do instead. No, there was nothing else for her to do. So she came to work every day, pretending she still believed she had the capacity to save lives, but knowing she didn't.  
  
She'd "saved lives" by "heroic measures" nearly every single day. But she was no hero, she knew that. She did her best knowing it didn't matter. Because she couldn't save Mark, she couldn't save the children bleeding to death in the next trauma room, she couldn't save the pregnant mother hit by a drunk driver....  
  
But she pretended as though she believed she could. As though she were God. Though if she were God, she knew she could do a damn better job than he had been lately.  
  
Yes, this day was like every horrid one before it. Except it wasn't.  
  
At 6:48 pm, Elizabeth Corday's outlook was about to be changed. She was paged down to the ER for a consult, and she sighed when she stepped off of the elevator and entered an exam room.  
  
'Here we go again' she thought as she saw a girl no more than 16 lying in the bed with a placid look on her bruised face. She grabbed the chart from Lewis who pulled her aside explaining that the young girl could possibly have internal bleeding.  
  
"What happened?" Elizabeth questioned of Lewis.  
  
Her eyes fell and her tone dropped "She was raped." she said cautiously. "How old is she?"  
  
"16." She said as she left the room.  
  
Elizabeth felt a wave of pity for the young girl sitting there, and then a wave of grief, and of anger. Elizabeth looked at the chart and then turned to the girl.  
  
The young child was badly beaten, as contusions scattered her face and bruises purple in color marred her complexion.  
  
God made her sick.  
  
She smiled at the girl "Hello Anna, my name is Elizabeth Corday, I'm going to examine you, is that all right?"  
  
The girl smiled politely "Yes, of course."  
  
Elizabeth performed a cursory inspection of the girl's abdomen, and determined that she would need surgery, though it was minor damage that was easily repaired.  
  
She smiled again "Okay, Anna, you're going to need surgery, but it's nothing major, and you should be just fine."  
  
The girl looked worried only momentarily before she asked "Are you going to do it?"  
  
"Yes, I am. Is that all right with you?"  
  
"Yes." She said softly as her parents came into the room.  
  
Elizabeth explained the operation to them, and began wheeling the young girl up to surgery.  
  
"Dr. Corday," she asked tentatively "Will you visit me when the surgery is done?"  
  
Elizabeth wasn't used to this type of question, and she almost, out of habit, said no. But she caught herself, and offered instead, a warm smile "Sure, Anna, I will." She really didn't see the harm in it; after all, she had nothing better to do.  
  
The girl smiled brightly "Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
Anna's surgery went as plans with not so much as a minute complication. She was in ICU recovering quite nicely.  
  
Elizabeth finished her shift, and was about to leave before she recalled the promise she had made. Reluctantly, she made her way to the ICU and entered Anna's room. Her parents were smiling at her as they kissed her good-bye. Elizabeth, feeling as though she were intruding, quickly ducked out of the room and stood by the doorway.  
  
Her parents exited and offered her a smile. Her father spoke to Elizabeth "Dr. Corday, thank you so much for all you have done for our Anna."  
  
"Oh, it's my job." She said, not knowing what else to say.  
  
He laughed, "Yes, I suppose it is." He said before surprising her by taking her into a hug. "But, thank you nonetheless."  
  
"Oh, you're welcome." She said as the family began to leave.  
  
They didn't seem sad, which seemed odd to Elizabeth. They knew what had happened to their daughter, and yet, they didn't seem to be feeling any of the negative emotions most parents would upon this occurrence. She shrugged and entered the room.  
  
Anna saw her and smiled "Hello, Dr. Corday!" She exclaimed brightly as Elizabeth walked over and sat next to her.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Thank you so much for visiting me. It makes me feel important." The girl stated with a small laugh.  
  
Elizabeth laughed too "Well, it's no problem at all."  
  
The room fell silent before Anna spoke again. "So, how are you?" she asked.  
  
This question surprised Elizabeth, she hesitated "I'm fine. How are you?" she questioned with sympathy.  
  
"I'm fine too, a little shaken up, but fine."  
  
This thoroughly confused Elizabeth, and she nearly asked about it, but she restrained herself. But Anna hadn't missed the look in her eye.  
  
"What?" she inquired. "Go ahead, ask me."  
  
"I beg your pardon?" Elizabeth said kindly.  
  
Anna let out a soft laugh. "I know what you're thinking." She sighed "How could someone who has just gone through such an ordeal as this be fine? Right?"  
  
Elizabeth nodded simply. She didn't believe it was possible, as far as she was concerned, it was thoroughly impossible.  
  
Anna considered her words carefully "I know this is going to sound... odd... perhaps even crazy, but as much as I want to be angry, as much as I want to hate whoever did this to me... I can't."  
  
A million questions raced through Elizabeth's mind, but only one found her vocal chords "Why?"  
  
"God won't let me." She stated.  
  
Elizabeth stared at her.  
  
"I know, I know. It sounds weird, but... I just can't be angry. It's as Jesus said 'Forgive them father for they know not what they do.' That's how I feel."  
  
The gravity of these words was not lost on Elizabeth. This sixteen year old girl, who had just been beaten and raped, was asking for forgiveness for her rapist. She wasn't angry at God, or asking him why it had happened, she was praying for the man that did this to her.  
  
Elizabeth could hardly find her words "You mean... you're praying for the man who did this to you?" Elizabeth tried to disguise the incredulity in her voice, but it was nearly an impossible feat.  
  
"Hate the sin, not the sinner." The girl stated simply, as if that were the only answer she could give.  
  
Elizabeth was about to ask how the girl could be so forgiving, but the nurse interrupted her query, and informed her that visiting hours were over. As Elizabeth stood to leave, the girl smiled again and asked "Dr. Corday, will you visit me again?"  
  
Elizabeth wanted to say no. That she wouldn't be returning, but there was something in her compelling her to comply. "Yes, I will Anna." She said simply as she walked out of the room.  
  
Inside the ICU room, the girl smiled, seeing her chance to help save a person fallen from grace. As she prayed for both a brother and a sister in Christ.  
  
Outside the ICU room, Elizabeth leaned against the wall. How on earth was this possible? She was such a young girl, and such a horrible thing had happened, yet she felt not one ounce of anger, not one ounce of hatred! How was this possible?  
  
Elizabeth thought of Anna all the way home, her anger growing for the young girl that had been so abused.  
  
She couldn't get the girl's image out of her head, badly beaten, just out of surgery telling Elizabeth to "Hate the sin, not the sinner."  
  
And she continued thinking about her as the rain fell softly outside of her window, and as tears of anger and frustration streamed down her face. Well if Anna couldn't feel anger about the situation, Elizabeth could. She could hate God enough for the both of them.  
  
And again, she fell asleep with a familiar void gnawing at her heart... but she refused to acknowledge it... as God had failed to acknowledge the life she wanted with Mark, and as he had failed to acknowledge the life of Anna Logsdail.  
  
The Heavens still poured down, as the Lord looked down on a heart full of anger and hatred, turning away from a love that was never-ending.  
  
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"You have heard that it was said: 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those that persecute you." Matthew 5:43-44. 


	5. Spiritual Conversation

Here is the next installment of "Consecrated to God". I know this doesn't have much of a "following" so to speak, but that's okay. That's not why I wrote it.... But, I do have a surprise for those that do read it... and I'm not sure as to whether or not it will be a good one, I suppose it depends on the person..... Let's just say that I'm thinking of (in a chapter or few) turning this story into a Cordano. Soooo... there's always that possibility to keep you interested.... Let me know what you think of this idea.... : )  
  
Review if you read it... Please.  
  
~Natalie~  
  
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Anna Logsdail woke up in an unfamiliar setting, and it took her awhile to realize where she was: The Hospital. Her head ached as she listened to the steady hum of the monitors surrounding her. This was the first time she'd actually been admitted to a hospital. At first, it had frightened her, but everyone was so kind that what small fear she had in the beginning quickly subsided.  
  
Her thoughts turned to Dr. Corday. She liked her quite a bit. She was friendly, and kind, yet there was something missing in her eyes, some sorrow that Anna simply couldn't place. Anna did, however, completely understand that Dr. Corday had a hard time comprehending why Anna felt the way that she did, why she had no anger, why she asked for forgiveness for the man that had so trespassed against her. In actuality, even the strongest Christians might not understand, even those with the most faith would question her. But, that was okay with Anna. Her faith was strong, and while Anna didn't know why this had happened to her, what she did know outweighed what few questions she had.  
  
She knew that her Heavenly Father wouldn't give her anything she couldn't handle, and though she didn't yet understand the reason for this ordeal, Anna knew that a reason existed.  
  
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Elizabeth awoke to the incessant buzz of her alarm clock. She rolled over and pushed the 'sleep' button down. She didn't feel like waking up. But, nine minutes later the alarm began again, and Elizabeth surrendered, forgetting her dream of Mark, and rolled out of bed.  
  
She lazily got ready for work as the rain fell outside.  
  
Soon, she remembered Anna, and her anger returned. As much as she couldn't understand why Anna wasn't upset or angry over the situation, what she couldn't understand even more was why God had let it happen. Why had God, a God who proclaims to be so loving, allowed a young girl to endure such a tribulation.  
  
And she didn't understand how such a "loving" God had taken away the only thing she ever loved.  
  
With that thought, she stopped.  
  
Mark.  
  
She couldn't bear to think about Mark, so Elizabeth blinked back the tears that had formed at the idea of his name, and headed off to work.  
  
The day was relatively uneventful, she "saved lives", and trudged through the day. She finished her shift and made her way to the ICU.  
  
She entered Anna's room and the girl's face lit up "Dr. Corday!"  
  
"Hi, Anna." Elizabeth said with a smile "How are you feeling?"  
  
"My head hurts a little, but other than that, I'm fine."  
  
"That's good."  
  
A silence fell over the room, Elizabeth was unsure of what to say.  
  
Anna broke the silence "So, you're from England?"  
  
"Yes." Elizabeth said, still smiling.  
  
"Do you like it there?"  
  
Elizabeth let out a small laugh, remembering the last time she had visited.  
  
"Yes, I like it there, but it's so different from here."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Well, aside from the obvious, there's quite a bit of sexism in England." She stated, referring to how she was treated while employed at her father's hospital. "Everything's quite a bit more gender-oriented there than it is here." Anna nodded at this. "You see, in England, the Spice Girls actually needed to advocate "Girl Power", in America, it was just for show."  
  
At the mention of the Spice Girls, Anna let out a loud laugh at which Elizabeth smiled.  
  
"I used to LOVE them." Anna announced.  
  
Elizabeth lowered her voice as though she were conveying a conspiracy theory, "So did I." she said and gave Anna a smile as they shared a laugh.  
  
"So..." Anna began, "are you married?"  
  
At the question, Elizabeth tensed and felt the tears pricking at the back of her eyes as memories of Mark flooded her mind.  
  
She gave a sorrowful smile and said "No... not anymore. My husband, Mark, passed away."  
  
Anna saw the sadness in her eyes and noticed the tears welling up.  
  
"Oh." She stated softly "I'm so sorry."  
  
"It's all right. It just hurts sometimes." Elizabeth didn't usually admit anything of that sort, and generally, she wouldn't even consider remotely opening up to a 16 year old, but there was something making her feel as though she should open up to Anna Logsdail.  
  
"That's understandable." Anna said, "But, you just have to remember, he's with God now."  
  
Elizabeth scoffed before she could stop herself.  
  
"Do you not believe?"  
  
"No, I do..." Elizabeth hesitated.  
  
"He didn't?" Anna questioned.  
  
"No. No, his faith was very, very strong."  
  
"Then, what's the problem?"  
  
Elizabeth again hesitated "It's just that after what I've witnessed lately, it doesn't seem as though "With God" is necessarily that wonderful of a place to be."  
  
Anna was not fazed "Grief sometimes blinds us to this glory, and to his will, but your husband, a man of faith, will never die."  
  
"But I don't believe there is a "will" as you call it."  
  
"That's also understandable, but the Lord knows what he's doing... what happened to me happened for a reason, and though you may not be able to see it now, your husband's death also happened for a reason."  
  
Elizabeth was about to reply when Anna's parents entered. Elizabeth smiled and stood to leave.  
  
"Dr. Corday, will you visit me again tomorrow?"  
  
She, again, wanted to say no, but she was compelled to say yes.  
  
"Yes, of course Anna." She acknowledged Anna's parents and left the room.  
  
When she was gone, Anna smiled widely. Her mother leaned over and kissed her on the forehead "And what, my little angel, may I ask, are you so smiley about?" Her mother questioned.  
  
Anna continued smiling "I've just realized why this happened to me."  
  
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Elizabeth arrived at home and sat down to think.  
  
Anna was right, though she didn't want to admit it. God had a purpose, sure, but that didn't mean she had to like his "master plan".  
  
She was grieving, but that was understandable. The only man she'd ever loved was dead, and he wasn't coming back. She had a damn right to be upset, angry and grief-stricken.  
  
She though of Anna, the girl had so much faith. It amazed her. She had been through so much, yet she was still strong in her faith. It perplexed her as well, how? Elizabeth wondered.  
  
She sighed. Why couldn't God's plan have included her and Mark being together forever?  
  
She made her way upstairs and climbed into bed. Her thoughts turned to Anna, and then to Mark. She didn't like the plan, and she despised the reason.  
  
But... maybe... it existed.  
  
Outside, a steady drizzle fell down over the city of Chicago, as God watched his hurt child, exploring the possibilities of a love that would never fade.  
  
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"Jesus said to her: I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die." John 11:25-26. 


End file.
